THE OFFICE

I started to wonder what my life would be like if I had my current schedule, but was working in an office?  What if Ellie was my client and my boss.  I figured one major difference would be the morning routine.  For most people, for most jobs, you wake up to an alarm clock.  Usually, you would take a shower and start getting ready for the day.  You’d probably have some breakfast, maybe some tea or coffee.  In the car on the way to work you would probably listen to morning talk radio, the news, or just some jamming tunes.  Once you are at work, you would log into the computer and maybe even grab another cup of coffee.  All of these activities fall into the “waking up” category.  I don’t get to have this.  My alarm clock is either crying, or the sound of Ellie pounding on her crib waiting for a fresh diaper.  “I’ve got yesterday’s meatloaf in here!  Let’s get this cleaned up chief!”

It’d be like if I slept under my desk at work.  My boss would come by at 6:30am and start pounding on the top.  “Matt!  The conference room bathrooms need to be defogged!  Get those cleaned up before the client shows up.  And where’s those TPS reports!?”  I’d have to immediately get up, clean the bathrooms, get my reports ready, and go into a meeting.  Then I’d prepare for the next group of meetings and the next set of reports while entertaining the client without having showered.  Then I’d have to prepare for my boss and client a breakfast while making sure they stay on course during the discussion.  I don’t want anyone drifting too far or getting into something they shouldn’t.  When they finally take a break, I might be able to grab a cup of coffee.

It’s not until Ellie goes down for her first nap that I get to have my real “waking up” time.  If I were working, this would be the time I’d go find a friend and we’d chat about our weekend or weekend plans.  But since my only co-worker is my employer and my boss and happens to be sleeping, I call the only person I know interested in talking about my job… my mom.  And after I’ve recapped last night and the day so far for her, I have a tough decision to make.  Do I take a shower? Change my clothes? Prep the bottles? Or just sit down for a minute?  I think I can do all-of-the-above but I start with just sitting.  Since her naps usually aren’t very long, that’s about as far as I get. 

Back at the office after the break, everyone is back rested and ready for round two.  But now the meeting is spreading into different areas of the office.  Not just in the conference room, but in the hallway, the office space, and the kitchen.  Computers, marker boards, markers, post-it notes are scattered everywhere.  I’m trying to guide the course of the meeting, but right now, my boss is just as distracted as the client is.  So I just follow them around the office making sure they don’t break anything, or discover the paging system.  “Paging Matt to room 301.  Bring a plunger.”  After this little mishap it’s time to take the company car and take them out to lunch.  Since they won’t let me eat at the same time as them, maybe I can grab a sandwich when we get back.  Back at home, I put Ellie in our company car, the stroller, and we hit the streets for our afternoon at the park.

After lunch we’re back at the office cleaning the bathrooms AGAIN.  At work I’d probably tell people about where I went for lunch, but I didn’t eat and no one’s here.  I keep thinking I should eat.  But I forget.  I’m distracted with my client and boss in the other room.  They’re definitely what they call go-getters.  Finally after the 3:00pm snack, the afternoon break has officially started.  If I were at the office, I’d probably eat something now and take a walk around the block.  But being at home, I am faced with my second big decision of the day.  Do I sit down and rest a bit?  Do I start dinner?  Or do I clean?  I usually decide to start prepping dinner.   Also known as, the final evening meeting of the day.  This is the meeting where my other co-worker attends.  She’s been working off-site all day but always makes it in for the evening meeting.  It becomes a race against the clock for me.  I need to get this prepped before the boss/client wakes up.  When she wakes up, she’s pretty demanding making prepping more difficult.  I’m also 90% sure there will be another bathroom hose down.  Is it Friday yet?

My co-worker arrives, and even though I’ve been busting MY butt all day, the boss flips out with excitement at her as if disregarding all the work I’ve done.  Thanks for the pat on the back lady.  Typical boss.  I’ve been pigeonholed into being the janitor and the admin staff.  Will she ever give me the recognition I deserve? I’ll have to bring this up at my performance review.

With the last meeting concluded my co-worker clocks in and I finally get a break.  This is when I’ll check my e-mail and prepare for the next day.  Finally, I think my day is over and I clock out and settle in to watch some TV or do some reading.  But you never know, the boss may call me in to pull an all-nighter being DJ Dad for a late night company mixer.