BAD BUGGY KARMA

     It never fails. No matter what store, whether it be Lowe’s, Target, or Meijers, I always grab the buggy with that crazy wheel. The one that either squeaks, but by the time it starts squeaking it’s too late to turn around and change because you already have items in your buggy. Or that wheel that doesn’t roll right, so your buggy pulls to the left or makes this loud rattling noise shaking it up and down. This is always annoying. And now with a baby, a sleeping baby, or I wish to be sleeping baby… this is downright irritating.
     I usually go grocery shopping on Friday mornings. It’s not crowded, the sale is still on, and things haven’t been totally picked over or picked through yet. But once in awhile, I’m lazy and I procrastinate and go Monday morning instead. Bad idea. Monday morning is the worst. The place is buzzing with old ladies. It’s a traffic jam of walkers, hover-rounds, slow moving buggies, and white curly hair. And they all seem to know each other, too! They’re stopping in the middle of the aisles to talk and catch up with each other from the weekend. I thought that’s what Denny’s early bird special was for!? And then there’s me. Steering one-handed with my crazy wheeled buggy that pulls left and a baby in my other arm because she won’t sleep. I’m trying to weave in and out of this AARP convention in the aisles as quickly as possible but my buggy keeps crashing into rogue canned goods or other peoples’ carts. I smile politely and my baby flashes a big smile and a little growl, and we’re back in business.
     We manage to make it to the check-out and I think, Oh great, only one person in front of me! Yes! But oh crap! She knows the cashier! “How’s Billy? Oh really that’s so nice…. Oh hun, those prunes were on sale… so anyways… these corns are killing me lately.” AHHH! Ellie is still in a good mood but it could turn ugly at any moment. Minutes. I only have minutes. If I time this right, we’ll be in the car and she’ll be asleep in no time. No crying. No fuss. No problem. But Nancy over here can’t find her checkbook. Checkbook!? It’s 2010! Who writes checks at the store anymore!? “And who do I make this out to?” she asks.  It’s Meijers! I bet you come here every week! It’s the same! Make your stinkin’ check out to Meijers!
     Finally, we make it through. We are bagged and ready to roll but what do I see in front of me? A herd of white curly haired women, with their heads down reviewing their receipts as they slowly move towards the door. It’s like a funeral procession with buggies. All of them; their heads down, marching in-step, basking in how much they saved. I can see it starting. Ellie is about to lose it. Shaking her head back and forth. Rubbing her eyes. She’s not smiling anymore… It’s time to be a little more aggressive. I start to pass a few buggies on the left and just as I’m about to make it through, BAM! My crappy wheeled buggy pulls left and slams into the door frame…. Game over.