THE CIDER MILL RULES

One of the best parts about fall is going to the cider mill.  One of my fondest childhood memories was going to the cider mill every year.  The cider mill we always went to was Apple Charlie’s.  I don’t remember details of what we did there.  I just remember we HAD to get donuts and cider.  I’m assuming we ate them there and looked around, but I don’t remember the little petting zoo, I don’t remember looking at pumpkins, and I definitely don’t remember the Barn of Blood.  But what I do remember is the feeling I had.  The trip to the cider mill was a summary of what the fall season was.  Everything fall was compiled into one spot with cider and donuts as the stars.  The cool crisp fall air, the dry colorful fall leaves, fall jackets, everything imaginable made from apples and pumpkins, fall decorations, fall produce, and polka bands.  And now that I have my own family, I’m very excited that I get to show Ellie why the cider mill rules!

As we got out of the car we could already smell fall in the air.  The sun was shining through the clouds and there was a light crisp breeze.  Ellie looked around excitedly as we walked towards the cider mill.  We went to the little petting zoo first.  I’m not sure why apple orchards have petting zoos, but all the good ones do.  They have all the classics, too.  A goat, a sheep, some chickens, a horse, a llama, and an ostrich.  Yep, your typical barnyard apple loving animals are all there and accounted for.  We skipped over the Barn of Blood and made our way to the main attraction: Donuts!  

While waiting in line to purchase our donuts and cider I started to realize how cosmopolitan the Apple Charlie’s Cider Mill crowd really was.  When I picture fall, I don’t think of Addidas track suits or faded Detroit Lions pajama pants, but apparently this is cider mill attire.  After enduring the sights and sounds of the local safisticants, we made it to the front of the line.  Donuts!  Cider mill donuts are the best donuts ever made and they are always best consumed at the cider mill.  If you can’t eat them all at the cider mill, then they must be consumed in the car on the way home.  Once the uneaten cider mill donuts enter your house, their value and flavor drastically drop.  It’s not my opinion, it’s a scientific fact.  Although I could have eaten my dozen donuts right there, I stopped myself after four.  Next stop, the pumpkin patch.

We didn’t need any pumpkins, but you’re at the cider mill, you have to at least walk through.  It’s part of the experience.  And who knows, maybe I’d get one anyways just to add to the excitement of the trip.  We walked around analyzing the pumpkins looking for the perfect one.  We also couldn’t pass on a cute picture opportunity with Ellie.  And we weren’t the only ones, too.  There were at least three other families with dad’s with big camera equipment posing their little babies by the pumpkins.  “Who’s my little pumpkin!?  Yes you are! Yes you are!”  I had my camera equipment too and as I snapped the first picture I realized I forgot my memory card.  Ahh!  I even brought different lenses.  What a waste.  Now I’m definitely not buying a pumpkin.  Luckily Aya had her camera I could use.  It wasn't the "gung-ho I'm ready to strategically place and pose my child and snap a gazzilion photos" kind of camera, but at least it got the job done.

I was a little bummed out that I forgot the memory card, but Ellie seemed to have really enjoyed the experience, and my mood quickly changed when I realized I had eight donuts waiting to be eaten on the way home.  I had to eat them.  It’s a cider mill rule.     

KOKOMI'S KORNER

HAIR!

Gimme head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming,
Streaming, flaxen, waxen…

My friend Amy’s niece was in town from Florida.  She’s just a few weeks younger than Ellie and has hair.  Not just a little bit of hair, CRAZY amounts of hair.  Ellie doesn’t have much which I think is why she loves pulling on other babies’ hair.  When she met Zayna, she grabbed her hair.  At the library she grabs all of the other babies’ hair.  Now, with a play date with Corryn set up, I knew someone was going to get their hair pulled and it wasn’t going to be Ellie’s.

It was a Monday and Ellie hadn’t had a nap all day.  The longer she goes without a nap, the more hyper she gets.  She doesn’t get too fussy when she’s tired, it’s mainly a slap happy type thing.  So Corryn, Amy, and Amy’s mom came over about 2:00pm for the play date.  This as I understand was to be Corryn’s first official play date one-on-one with another baby.  Ellie has had a few under her belt and is always ready to play whether she’s tired or not.  She was getting antsy not realizing she was meeting a new friend today.  As they started walking up the stairs Ellie let out a squeal of joy, and once they were inside, Ellie reached out with big smiles at her new friend.  “I’m gonna have fun yanking on that long hair.”

Ellie and Corryn went on the floor to start playing, but Ellie went straight for Corryn’s pigtails.  Yoink!  “Hair! Wow… hair.  Maybe one day I’ll have hair.”  Ellie grabs her hair like she was a bald guy trying on a hair piece for the first time.  Corryn wasn’t too impressed with this forward behavior from Ellie and started crying.  “Who is this kid!?  I’m from Florida… be nice!”  As Corryn cried, Ellie squealed in excitement.  It almost seemed as if she was delighted she made Corryn cry, but I’m guessing it’s because she was just too excited for those pigtails.  “HAIR!”

Eventually Corryn warmed up and they started playing at the same time in the same space, but independently of each other.  Every once in a while, Ellie would get a glimpse of that hair and go grabbing for it, though.  There was no escape for Corryn.  I think the only break she had from Ellie grabbing on her was when Ellie was intently eating her cheerios.  When you put cheerios in front of Ellie it’s like time stops.  Her tunnel vision goes up and she grabs as many as she can hold in her hands and shovels it in.  It’s like my wife and I at an all-you-can-eat buffet or at someone’s wedding. 

All in all the play date went well and Ellie really seemed to dig her new Florida friend.  But I think Corryn left thinking, “Just wait until that chick gets hair…  just you wait…”

FRIENDS WALK TOGETHER

It had been awhile since I had seen my friend Meghan.  We used to be coworkers and worked on a lot of projects together, so we got to be pretty good friends after awhile.  When we sat next to each other, every day she would ask me, “do you wanna be friends forever!?”  Yes Meghan, that sounds good.  Then she would specify, “not BFFs…  just FFs.  BFF’s would be too crazy.”  Right Meghan, that would be too crazy.  Meghan is my unique exotic friend.  She’s from an exotic country where they eat ketch-up chips, and things named “poutine.”  Yes, you guessed it, Meghan is from the Great White North.  She’s Canadian.  Eh.  Meghan was going to be in our friendly country and wanted to come by and visit me and Ellie.  We originally had planned on taking a walk down by the river but the weather was cold and rainy.  So we did the next best thing, we headed for the mall.  I was excited because this would be Meghan’s first mallwalking experience.

When I met Meghan at the mall I wasn’t greeted with a hello, but a, “I just saw a serious mallwalker!  This lady meant business.”  I told you, this is how it goes here.  We didn’t waste anytime and got right into it.  I set the pace and the wheels were rollin’.  Meghan started to chit chat about school this and drunk party that, but I was focused on where we were going to have our afternoon snack.  I interrupted her so I could point out the Dairy Queen and the Pretzel Peddler.  I just wanted her to know her options, that’s all.  We continued our stroll throughout the mall not hiding the fact we were mallwalking.  We’d get to the end of the corridor and confidently loop around.  We didn’t even go into any stores for cover.  Maybe it’s because I wasn’t alone, or because I felt like I was showing my Canadian friend around, but I didn’t feel embarrassed or the need to hide my mallwalking.  I was a mallwalker and proud of it…  kinda.

We must have looped the mall at least four times before deciding on a snack.  I made Meghan decide because she was not only a guest in my mall, but the country.  Her choices were Diary Queen, Subway, Cinnabon, Olga’s, the Pretzel Peddler, Sbarro, Pretzel Time, and Big Boy.  As we were walking towards the pretzel place we saw a Big Boy and Meghan said, “They have a Big Boy!?  In the mall!”  This Big Boy had been at the mall since it opened in 1970, and I think it’s never been updated since then either.   I think Meghan really wanted Big Boy but she felt bad putting me in front of a menu with ice cream sundaes as an option (I had recently come clean about my food affair), so she chose Pretzel Time.  I was secretly hoping for Dairy Queen but Meghan had announced earlier she didn’t want ice cream.  She's lactose intolerant and didn't have her pills with her.  We all know what happens when lactose intolerant people have dairy without their pills...  I gave up my fanatasy of ice cream, but when we got to the pretzel place, I got one with a hot dog in it.  We kept on walking.

Ellie was sleeping this whole time which was awesome because she hasn’t been napping well.  This was a good break for me.  Good company, good walking, and a good pretzel.  But every time we looped by the Big Boy I could see Meghan’s eyes checking out the sign.  She finally decided she needs to eat dinner before her class and might as well stop there.  So we concluded our mallwalking journey at the Southland Mall Big Boy.  Apparently they don’t have Big Boy’s in Canada or at least not where Meghan lives.  She had a hankering for the exotic taste of American food and I was glad I was able to provide.  She was overwhelmed with the menu.  It was her chance for Big Boy’s but she wasn’t sure what to get.  I was overwhelmed as well but for completely different reasons.  I REALLY wanted the hot fudge brownie cake, but I just announced that I need to get my eating under control AND I just had a pretzel with a hot dog in it.  I stared at the menu trying to channel some will power.  Finally, I announced I would be getting a cup of broccoli soup.  Just a cup, and even though the ice cream sundae was only a dollar more, I let it go.  After 20 minutes of agonizing of what to order, Meghan went for the classic.  The Big Boy burger.  To top off the afternoon Ellie woke up at the end to enjoy the Big Boy experience.  This was her first Big Boy visit as well. 

Since Meghan had a full American experience, maybe next time Ellie and I will put on our tuques and make the journey up north for some twofers, Tim Horton’s, and some poutine.  Maybe not though…  After all, we’re just FFs, not BFFs.

KOKOMI'S KORNER

My dad was able to capture this moment from the outside...

FOOD AFFAIR

I have a confession to make.  I’ve been having a food affair.  I didn’t mean for it to happen.  It kind of snuck up on me.  It started with my anxiety of being a stay-at-home dad.  I’d go through a whole day of Ellie not sleeping and then I’d reward myself with some ice cream, or some chocolate covered almonds.  But then it started to escalate.  I started wanting anything chocolate, anything sweet.  I’d go through a whole jar of peanut butter in 4 days.  It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I realized I had a real problem.  It’s time I come clean, it’s time I get this out in the open.  Hi.  My name is Matt, and I’ve been having a food affair.

I eat a healthy breakfast, and I pride myself on making a healthy, tasty dinner.  It’s before and after dinner I can’t control.  I used to have a nice sensible salad for lunch, but then I got lazy.  I started taking Ellie for walks and such during lunch time so I didn’t want to eat lunch at 3:00pm when we got home.  So I’d have a “snack.”  If I was out in the car I’d convince myself to stop for coffee at McDonalds, and while I was there I might as well order a thing or two from the dollar menu.  But then I realized almost every place had a dollar menu.  I’d go to Target in the afternoon to buy cereal for Ellie and depending on my mood for food I might take a different route.  Taco Bell?  McDonalds?  Burger King?  The options were unlimited.  I’d try to talk myself out of it the whole way there.  I’d be strong on the way to the store, but on the way back, if I had $1.06 in my pocket, all bets were off. 

I started putting myself in situations where I knew I’d be able to access horrible food.  If I was meeting a friend in the evening, I’d eat two dinners.  The healthy dinner I made at home, and then a nasty awesome burger once I got to the restaurant.  If not a full dinner, at least some appetizers.  Once I was around the bad food I ate it like it was my only opportunity.  Like I’d never see another hamburger for the rest of my life.  I could come up with any reason to need ice cream.  If my wife had a bad day at work I'd play the sweet husband card and I’d ask, “Do you want me to go get you ice cream?”  I would be hoping real bad she would say yes.  I kept saying things like, “if it’d make you feel better, I’ll go…  I don’t mind.”  I think she knew though.  It was no secret.  I had a problem and it was getting worse.

I hit my all-time low about 2 weeks ago.  I was going through the check-out at Target and I was looking at those sale items on the end caps.  You know those cheap Little Debbie cakes that come two in a package?  Well, you could get a whole box of Fall Party Cakes for $1.52!  I didn’t even think about it.  I ate half the box on the way home.  I ate the rest of the box while I was cooking my healthy dinner.  I left one package of cakes for my wife.  “I got you a treat,” I said.  The guilt was too heavy to have eaten the whole box myself.  I didn’t tell her there was a whole box I had eaten… that day!  Thate evening, I was going insane.  I was out of Little Debbie cakes, we had no ice cream and I needed a fix.  I felt chemically off balance.  I needed sugar!  I walked to the neighbor party store and bought a pack of the Little Debbie Nutty Bars.  I ate two that night and stopped myself from eating a third.  Two days after that I was back at Target and I bought ANOTHER Fall Party Cake box.  I felt so guilty I gave a few to my folks, and I made sure I made some available for my wife.  But when she wasn’t eating them after awhile, I made my move.

I figure I need to get this under control before the Holidays officially start.  If I don’t do it now, who knows what will happen at Thanksgiving and Christmas.  So it starts here, and it starts now!  Hi. My name is Matt, and I will not let the Fall Party Cakes destroy the light inside me.  I give myself respect to honor my mind, body, and spirit in every way…

Now all we need is some cake to celebrate…  no?

Maybe one day we can be together again...

BOO HOO

Halloween is a big deal in my family.  And by big deal I don’t just mean we just dress up and listen to creepy music during trick-or-treating.  It is a BIG deal.  My family puts on an interactive Halloween display.  It’s not a haunted house.  No one jumps out at you, nothing is really meant to scare you.  Some things are meant to be creepy, but for the most part it’s meant to make you smile and laugh.  Everything is mechanical and electrical so Halloween usually lasts a good month while we prepare for this.  I start watching my scary movies to put me in the mood and we all start brainstorming for new ideas.

It all started when my dad was about 19.  He created what he called the Electric Pumpkin.  It was a pumpkin that lit up and blinked, and had a moving cigar in it’s mouth.  And then he built Melvin, who was to become the star of the display.  This is what makes what we do a little unique.  Melvin sits in a box and is clearly a dummy.  But as you get close to the box you can see that he is breathing.  And then he sits up, his eyes light up and he starts asking you questions.  “Hey kid, you got any candy!?”  You can carry on a conversation with this dummy, with Melvin.  When we were kids our front lawn was full of kids all night because everyone wanted to talk to Melvin.  Melvin was funny, he told corny jokes, he poked fun at your costume, and he begged you for candy.  He told you stories of how he died and how the pharmacist didn’t have anything to stop his coffin, and how the butcher gave him a steak, right through the heart.  There were other characters as well.  He built a Frankenstein monster.  He stands in the back with his eyes lit while his arms move up and down.  Then he a built a witch holding a bleeding head, a devil that blows smoke, a giant spider (named Jack Web), and a ghoul whose head spins 360 degrees.  As the years went by and as my brother and I got older, we started contributing more and the display got bigger and bigger… and more high tech.

Melvin

The Witch's Bleeding Head

This year we started preparing three weeks before Halloween.  We need ample time to make sure things work and operate correctly.  We worked all day every weekend for three weekends to be ready.  The front yard is full of wires.  Each character has its own microphone and speaker.  We have four infrared cameras to monitor the yard at night.  We have 3 music zones; background music, graveyard music with screams, and random sound effects.  All can be controlled independently with just a flick of a switch.  With all of this to prepare, Halloween day is actually a little stressful.  Trick-or-treating usually starts at 6:00pm so we are on a tight timeline.  At 3:30pm we are able to do a sound check and set all the levels.  Everything seems to work and sound good so we have a little time to grab some food before we go “live.”  We do all this work just for the few hours of trick-or-treating.     

The Control Room

Controls the Music Zones

As the kids come through the yard and laugh and say “no way, that’s soo cool!” or to see the parents point and take pictures, I can't help but think about how I felt as a kid.  My brother and I never wanted to trick-or-treat, we just wanted to be at home.  We’d maybe go around the block once, and then we’d come home.  I think we felt privileged knowing how everything worked, being able to go in the “control room.”  To be a part of the set-up made it even more special for us.  It was bonding time for my dad, brother and I.  And now with it going on almost 40 years since it’s beginning, the whole family is involved.  It’s normal to hear questions like “who’s going to make the blood,” or “who’s going to make the spider web?”  or to hear us discuss at length about how a zombie would really be coming out of the ground.  With Ellie around now, it’s going into its third generation.  She’s too young to know what’s going on, but it’s good to bring her into the madness early. 

Yes, that's me on the TV

The foot traffic finally slows down around 9:00pm and all the trick-or-treaters have left.  It’s a quiet cold Halloween night and now it’s time to pack up.  Even though it took us three weeks to set up, it comes down in two hours.  Tomorrow, on November 1^st, it’s just another day.  The only reminder that Halloween existed are the dried spots of fake blood on the front lawn.  At least we have some leftover Halloween candy to fill the void for awhile.

My Dad, the Mastermind